A while ago, I was at dinner with a few people. I was running a 5K the next day and the question was asked, “What is your goal time?” I had not been running all summer so I said, “My goal is to finish in under 40 minutes.” The response to that was, “Oh, I haven’t even been running and I could finish in under that.” In the moment, I was frustrated and upset. I didn’t say anything out loud but in my mind, the negative thoughts began and I questioned why I even run when I’m not “good” at it. I texted an amazing friend who responded in the way any amazing, supportive friend would: “Don’t listen to her or the doubtful voice in your head. They’re wrong. You can do whatever you set your mind to, and if you don’t achieve it this time…so what? At least you did it and you TRIED. There will be more opportunities that you will seize and try again. One foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.” That’s a pretty bad ass friend, right? I think I’ll keep her around.
I have a tenancy to doubt myself, especially when I run. Often it feels like I work five times as hard as everyone else to only be a fraction as good. My friend reminded me of something, though. This running thing is so much more than other people’s words. It’s about fighting the self doubt and the negative self talk that I can’t do this or that I am not a runner. I have to be reminded (by amazing friends) and remind myself of this often. It’s a process 100%. When you hear negativity, it in a way validates those negative things you are already telling yourself. It is purposefully shutting those comments, thoughts, and feelings down and reminding yourself that yes, indeed, you are a badass every single time you lace up your shoes and they hit the pavement regardless of the number of miles you run or the pace of those miles. I need to remind myself of that daily.
I hadn’t thought about this conversation for months. I was reminded of it on my run this evening. I was running two slow, painful miles after a half marathon two weekends ago and an 11 miler this past weekend. We were at mile 4 of 11 and a man in front of us gave us some advice that I do not think I will ever forget. He said: “That’s four miles that no one can take away from you.” It’s so incredibly simple and so incredibly true. Every mile I run is a mile for myself and a mile that no one can ever take away from me. Because it’s mine.
Tonight on my run, the comment about my goal time and the comment made during the race both popped into my head. Those 3.1 miles I ran during the 5K? Those are 3.1 miles that no one can take away from me. Those 11 miles I raced this weekend? They are my miles and can never be taken away.
That’s 4 miles no one can take away from you.