I was supposed to run 5 miles today. It was my first long run of this training cycle. On my way home, I talked to my friend and told her I was going to run 5 miles when I got home. In talking to my mom, I told her I was going to run, too. I was feeling motivated until I pulled in the driveway. It was raining, the weather was yucky, I was tired, and I had a bunch of stuff I needed to get done before tomorrow morning.
But...
I got dressed. I laced up my shoes. I hit the pavement. And ran my 5 miles.
I was so incredibly proud of myself for doing it.
I've been reading the book, Girl, Wash your Face and something that stuck out to me is when Rachel Hollis talks about breaking promises with yourself: "When you really want something, you will find a way. When you don't really want something, you'll find an excuse." She goes on to say, "Whatever standard you've set for yourself is where you'll end up...unless you fight through your instinct and change your pattern." Wow, Rach, speaking right to me there, huh? I am the first person to give up on myself and I have noticed it so much in my different training cycles and in other aspects of my life.
Welp.
This time it's going to be different. I'm going to show up. For myself. I'm going to stop breaking promises to myself. I'm going to do this for me. Fighting through the instinct to quit when it gets hard and when I doubt that I can do this is going to be difficult. I have to change my pattern. I have to stop listening to the voices in my head that tell me that I am not a runner. That I don't fit the mold of a "runner." That I'm too slow to be a "real" runner. I can say that listening to those voices ends now, but I know better. This isn't going to be like flipping a light switch. It's going to be hard and it's going to suck. Some days, those voices are going to be louder than ever and they will win. But, I don't plan on giving up that easily anymore. This time it's different. It's personal.
In running and in life.
Let's do this.